It is approaching midnight as I write this. The caffeine from a Coke keeps me awake and alert. Classes start tomorrow.
As cliche as it sounds, it really is a brief calm before the storm for me. I suspect that for the rest of the semester not a night will go by without leaving plenty of homework and stress in it's wake. Countless thoughts flurry about in my mind. WOW was only kid stuff, just some fun to get people acclimated to the college environment. Now it's game time--time for the rubber to meet the road. The wing looks fantastic. Lots of great guys, plenty of good times to look forward to, I've just finished a great talk with my friend and Resident Assistant. A substantial amount of pretty girls have joined the ranks of TMC students. Three Communication classes and a sweet bible class promise a good year in the classroom.
Doubt. Apprehension. Relationships. Encouragement. Conviction. Despair. The gospel.
Heavy issues, but we're made for them, right? The flesh wants hours of Facebook and mediocre friendships, but grace is always sufficient. Let us pray that continuing measures of it are on the horizon. I will candidly admit to anyone that I don't have this whole leadership thing down yet. It's hard to imagine that God would put me in a position like this. I hardly know the first thing about anything, but here I am on Slight Lower-Back with new converts, music majors, athletes, and more. All one can do is pray at this point: "God I'm a loser and a failure, I'm clueless, help. Honestly Lord, please help!"
A Switchfoot song reminded me today to keep a heavenly perspective. I do belong somewhere past this setting sun, finally free, finally strong. Still, that only increases the urgency of the situation. I'll only go through this process two more times at most. Before I know it I'll be graduating, the world before me, then hopefully family and work, and then the end--just like that.
So now is the time to "throw it down." I may only have one or two more years with these guys. Even in seemingly distant things like marriage, I need to start preparing my heart and lifestyle today, because if there's one thing I learned in church today, it's that I still have a long way to go before I become a true man in God's eyes. Titus 2:6 talks about young men being self-controlled. Not quite as simple to master as some might think.
Could I be a trendsetter? Could I be the guy that starts something or guides something in the right direction in Slight Hall this year? The guy that people come to with problems even if I've never had a girlfriend? That's not for me to decide, but I'm gonna try.
And knowing myself, I'm going to fail, and I'm going to lean on God's grace more and more as a result. I'll probably make a fool of myself, and end up in an awkward situation or two, and say stupid things to people. The quest has been set before me, and there's no turning back. Still, our swords are so sharp, and the gospel is so awesome. It's a pity I forget about them so often.
Maybe someone will enjoy reading this. I haven't proofread it yet so please forgive any typos and/or nonsensical rambling.
The Wolf's "Tell"
43 minutes ago