On Being Thankful

Just a thought today. I know that God has done so much more for me and given me so much more than I can ever realize. Sadly, knowing that I'll never be able to thank God fully can sometimes lead to a tendency of not wanting to try.

That's so bogus. If this is your temptation too, don't buy into it. Throw yourself into the infinite pool of God's mercies this Thanksgiving Day. After all, if it's something so wonderful that the human mind can't grasp it, I'd say it's worth a try to at least start grasping some of it.

Some more poetry, this time a dramatic monologue

From East of Nineveh

There’s nothing for me, a broken prophet

To whom death appears much better than life.

Heading to Tarshish or a desert tomb

Is where I’d rather be, instead of spared

To see this city repentant and free.

Perish the thought that I should run from God

That I should try to flee Your sovereign gaze

I knew that You would never turn away

A penitent people, if they sought You

Away at sea You sent a violent gale

My stick came up short, they tossed me over,

And it would have all ended back then

Sinking into the depths, light growing dim

Until your mercy found me in the sea

When the leviathan swallowed me whole

For three days I lay there, as in a grave

In the reeking darkness, weeds, and bones

From the belly I began to suspect

That I might live on. I prayed and confessed

“Your hand is mighty to pull me away

From the errant paths, far outside Your will,”

But these Assyrians, though on their knees

Should drink the bitter cup they themselves brewed.

I’ll freely warn them if they’re to be damned

See why I turned west? I cannot bear it.

How could this great blackened bastion of hate

And violence, greed, lust, stinking things

Find a welcome heart and forgotten crimes.

They, heartless, who would skin me alive,

Men, women, and children alike have died

At the hands of these fell barbarians.

You were supposed to stay with my people

Remember the covenant that you gave?

You once brought we Hebrews out of Egypt

Into fertile lands of milk and honey.

We who offered up sacrifices, true

To you year after year, and kept every

Perfect statute You gave. Can You, in truth,

Compare our worth with those uncircumcised?

So you see why I am angry; I have

All the right to pity this shriveled vine,

Small but beautiful tower of green life,

That once protected me as I waited

Waited for your mighty hand of judgment.

Fire and brimstone would have done the job,

Or the sword of an avenging angel.

There’s nothing for me, a broken prophet

To whom death appears much better than life.

Heading to Tarshish or a desert tomb

Is where I’d rather be, instead of spared

To see this city repentant and free.

I care naught for this senseless deliverance.

Maybe in Sheol I will forget this mess.

Creativity

The college experience is huge, there are so many things going on at TMC, so much to learn, and so much to experience. These are all good things. Chapel is great, fellowship is great, the local church is beautiful.

But at times like these, when I sit down at my computer to type out whatever is on my mind--whatever I want to write about, there just might be one weakness to The Master's College (besides the pathetic lower-caf hours). It lacks a creative output and an emphasis on creativity in general. We all want to be orthodox. We want to be spot on theologically. We're trying to understand the church, to shun what is bad and emulate what is good. We get involved in activities and try to keep the tradition and truths continuing through the generations. We try to be like Christ, which is a radical self-denial that seeks to copy someone else.

All of these things are good, to be sure, and ought to be pursued. Obviously we should want to be like Christ and want to figure out what He has said in His word. However, I can't help but think that we should be little creators as well. I want to be a writer--an artist. I want to be original and brilliant in my writing for the glory of God. Sometimes, this whole cycle of taking tests, talking about classes, and reading scripture suffocates any thinking beyond a certain point. It doesn't take me to new places or new ideas like it probably should. I've had some great experiences, but praying with a bunch of guys on a whim outside your dorm room isn't exactly an event to build a story around. It's nice to write about theology and the things going on in my mind, but there are men here many times more godly and qualified than I who are already doing that...and doing it very well.

To be sure, there is a certain element of art that Christians (particularly those in charge of institutions, like John MacArthur) fear, and they are right to do so. Trace the arts back in time, and you arrive at the pagan theater of ancient Greece. There's no getting around this, the arts of western civilization may very well have their roots in demonic activities. Why? Because art is magic. It stirs something within our souls. Far from being a mere escape, it makes us feel things. Art possesses a great amount of power in this regard, power to influence people. Through it one is capable of working great evil, or great good. That's where the danger lies. That's why art can be risky.

I know why I'm not seeing a ton of true creativity happening here at TMC. Even though it's certainly not what it could be, it's better than an out-of-whack liberal dump of tolerance and free expression. I love the place, but there are few here that I would describe as genuinely creative. Either that, or perhaps it is a weakness I've created for myself. After all, the college certainly isn't keeping me from writing the next Chronicles of Narnia. It's my own idiocy and naivete.

Perhaps that's really what I need to work to overcome.

One thing leaders must come to grips with

In the fresh aftermath of Outreach Week, during which I lead a team of eight students to Lighthouse Bible Church in Simi Valley, I'm realizing much about the church and about myself.

Namely, there's a reality about spiritual leadership that one must come to grips with. When you lead, there will be those "under" you who are lots more sanctified than you, in lots of ways. You can't fall into the trap of thinking you're godly, or things will get really frustrating, hard, or depressing...or a mix of those. When that horribly wonderful moment of realization comes, you have to be ready to fall back on Christ, 'cause your own strength sure isn't going to be enough. I mean, it's not like you can just will yourself to knock on a door to invite someone to church, or convince yourself by your own fleshly means that you need to show love to someone.

So it's not so much that I have regrets about my actions as it is regrets about my perspective and attitude over the whole thing. Christ certainly wasn't at the forefront of my thoughts like He should have been. Leading doesn't make you one iota better or worse than anyone else, you just have to be willing to be an example and take the blame.

gods they could control

Yesterday, I made the rare choice to go to Saturday night church at Grace Baptist with some friends from school. The worship and message by David Hegg were great: it was good to be reminded of God's promises and character, and to see the faith of Abram. However, there was one, almost offhanded, phrase that Pastor Hegg offered in his sermon that really made me see something in a new perspective. When speaking of the Caananites in Abraham's day, he spoke of the "gods they could control."

Gods they could control. The more I thought about that, the more I realized the dangerous problem with almost every (if not all) false religion or philosophy out there. The pagans of the Ancient Near East had gods they could control. They were always pressed to manipulate or please their gods by manner of some ritual or sacrifice. When they did it, the god must inevitably respond in a certain way. They taught that the gods were powerful, but it was actually they who could turn the gods to and fro as they willed.

Kind of shoots down the health and wealth gospel, doesn't it? Send in a one-time gift and God will bless you ten-fold! How controlling and manipulative of God is that? It is just like man to fashion a god of his own making that he could control. In fact, it makes perfect sense why many beliefs have moved away from the God of scripture and towards faith in a being that we can have some control over. Sacrifice to make him do this, pray this prayer and he will do that, yadda yadda yadda.

And the more you think about it, the more it should really make you glad that God doesn't answer all of our prayers just as we pray them. Should we actually want God to submit Himself to any and every specific prayer that we pray "in faith?" He is so much bigger and better than that. The God of the bible has no need to subject Himself to our prayers or sacrifices. It goes against all of human nature to invent a God that humbles and works above human thinking like no other, yet that is what scripture presents us with. I see no reason why He can't be real, because no one would have wanted to create a God of infinite mystery, wisdom, and power that we could have no controlling effect over.

Praise God that He doesn't submit Himself in any ways to His creation unless He is working out a plan all of His own.

Some poetry I've written for a class...enjoy!

Summer

I thought my plans would change me for the good
But memories came soon to take their due
The graduation stages called, "Do not
Forget the days you lived and worked for fun!"
I see the sun come up and days grow long
A "little sleep" and "folding of the hands"
And I become a lesser man. Pick up
A friend and throw the disk. Another time
For work will do. So click and click, tick-tock
Tick-tock, and evenings free fade out. They're gone
My spirit longed for profit. Sloth has set
The tone for all my days at home. I dig
Through mediocre games. Can I relight
Their spark and fan the flames of former days?
Put off the hard and we'll relive the nights
Of chance and vic'try, cards and dice, and more.
Thus enter months of wasting, two or three.
But grace remains and calls me back to where
My heart caught fire. What can I say except
That apathy has torn away what could
Have been my finest hour--a time of truth
And beauty for my King.

The Calm Before the Storm

It is approaching midnight as I write this. The caffeine from a Coke keeps me awake and alert. Classes start tomorrow.

As cliche as it sounds, it really is a brief calm before the storm for me. I suspect that for the rest of the semester not a night will go by without leaving plenty of homework and stress in it's wake. Countless thoughts flurry about in my mind. WOW was only kid stuff, just some fun to get people acclimated to the college environment. Now it's game time--time for the rubber to meet the road. The wing looks fantastic. Lots of great guys, plenty of good times to look forward to, I've just finished a great talk with my friend and Resident Assistant. A substantial amount of pretty girls have joined the ranks of TMC students. Three Communication classes and a sweet bible class promise a good year in the classroom.

Doubt. Apprehension. Relationships. Encouragement. Conviction. Despair. The gospel.

Heavy issues, but we're made for them, right? The flesh wants hours of Facebook and mediocre friendships, but grace is always sufficient. Let us pray that continuing measures of it are on the horizon. I will candidly admit to anyone that I don't have this whole leadership thing down yet. It's hard to imagine that God would put me in a position like this. I hardly know the first thing about anything, but here I am on Slight Lower-Back with new converts, music majors, athletes, and more. All one can do is pray at this point: "God I'm a loser and a failure, I'm clueless, help. Honestly Lord, please help!"

A Switchfoot song reminded me today to keep a heavenly perspective. I do belong somewhere past this setting sun, finally free, finally strong. Still, that only increases the urgency of the situation. I'll only go through this process two more times at most. Before I know it I'll be graduating, the world before me, then hopefully family and work, and then the end--just like that.

So now is the time to "throw it down." I may only have one or two more years with these guys. Even in seemingly distant things like marriage, I need to start preparing my heart and lifestyle today, because if there's one thing I learned in church today, it's that I still have a long way to go before I become a true man in God's eyes. Titus 2:6 talks about young men being self-controlled. Not quite as simple to master as some might think.

Could I be a trendsetter? Could I be the guy that starts something or guides something in the right direction in Slight Hall this year? The guy that people come to with problems even if I've never had a girlfriend? That's not for me to decide, but I'm gonna try.

And knowing myself, I'm going to fail, and I'm going to lean on God's grace more and more as a result. I'll probably make a fool of myself, and end up in an awkward situation or two, and say stupid things to people. The quest has been set before me, and there's no turning back. Still, our swords are so sharp, and the gospel is so awesome. It's a pity I forget about them so often.


Maybe someone will enjoy reading this. I haven't proofread it yet so please forgive any typos and/or nonsensical rambling.